


A Fun Day at the Beach

by lady_dorkula



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Banter, Barbara Gordon is Batgirl, Batfamily (DCU), Batfamily Dynamics (DCU), Batjokes, Day At The Beach, Domestic, Established Relationship, F/M, Family Bonding, M/M, Mentioned Harley Quinn - Freeform, Mentioned Jason Todd, Public Display of Affection, Sibling Rivalry, Suggestive Themes, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, dickbabs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,484
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25951069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_dorkula/pseuds/lady_dorkula
Summary: Bruce and Co. go to the beach like normal people do. Random shenanigans ensue.
Relationships: Barbara Gordon/Dick Grayson, Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 11
Kudos: 59





	A Fun Day at the Beach

**Author's Note:**

> This work is in no way intended to be taken seriously, so if you’re allergic to silliness and fun, this might not be for you. If not, well then let’s get nuts!

  


Sunny Metropolis, here they come!

What better way to bond with your newfound family than spend a day out at the beach, far away from gloomy Gotham city. Or at least that’s what the magazine had suggested. Surely one could trust everything they read in the magazines and newspapers! If you still read those. Top ten activities blah blah blah to enjoy with your family blah blah blah. The perfect idea!

Managing to convince billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne to take a day off work was quite the extraordinary feat, but that achievement didn’t come without a price – one Joker was more than willing to pay if it meant a change of scenery. One could only take so much domesticity, stuck in the manor for too long, before getting stir crazy. He didn’t have to twist as many arms trying to convince his small army of batchildren to join in on the supposed fun once he had won Bruce over. They too craved distraction from all their responsibilities, even if for just one day, so naturally, they were quick to agree.

Most of them, at least. 

Joker glanced back over his shoulder at Damian whose nose was buried in his phone as he walked beside Alfred. The boy was obviously none too pleased to be here, perhaps mostly due to the present company. It was no secret that the little grump didn’t much like Joker, if at all; and tolerated him, at best, for Bruce’s sake.

Oh well. Can’t win them all.

“This is gonna be great!” Tim was beaming as he ran up to Bruce and Joker who were walking hand in hand ahead of the group. The boy looked pretty goofy with the sunblock smeared across his nose and cheeks like war paint, armed with his weapon of choice - a body board. He was more than ready to take on the beach, the waves, anything. The kid’s boundless enthusiasm and playful demeanor were some of the reasons he and Joker got along so well. That, and the fact they were both on bad terms with the youngest member of the batfamily. 

Joker mirrored Tim’s excitement, because he too had been looking forward to this outing.

“Ha! You know it, kiddo! We’re gonna have tons of fun today!” He declared, all splashy and theatrical as he gestured wildly with his hand. To his delight, when he looked at Bruce he saw the tiniest smile in place. His eyes were hidden behind a fancy pair of shades, but that subtle upturn of lips was all the confirmation Joker needed to know that this was going to be a good day. He returned the smile, hooked his arm around his boyfriend’s arm and pressed closer, taking a quick selfie of them together to mark the special occasion.

“Still can’t believe you agreed to this, old man.” Dick voiced his disbelief as he sipped his slushie. “You literally _never_ take a day off unless you absolutely have to. What did J threaten you with to go along with this crazy idea?” He directed his question to the two men walking in front of him.

“Why, the only thing I threatened him with was a good time,” Joker glanced at Bruce and gave him a self-satisfied smirk that spelled nothing but trouble. Thank goodness Bruce was facing forward or the others would have been able to see the slight blush that appeared on his face at that moment.

“Uh-huh,” Dick was not convinced, until he realized the possible implications of Joker’s words and shook his head as if that would help erase the mind-scarring images out of his head forever. “Actually, never mind. I don’t think I wanna know anymore.” Some things are better left unsaid.

All jokes aside, he was glad his old man was finally allowing himself to be happy, despite his extremely unorthodox choice of companion. But then again, Bruce had always been attracted to the criminal elements. Call it occupational hazard. Dick had always suspected there was more going on between those two than Bruce let on; at some point they became something more than just two men trying to get the better of the other. It was only a matter of time before something like this happened, but even in his wildest dreams Dick never imagined their "fling" would become something serious. But as long as Bruce was happy and Joker was not terrorizing the city, he could live with this. Surprisingly, Joker was not _that_ bad when he wasn’t being a homicidal maniac.

“Seriously, you guys,” Tim turned to face the others and continued to walk backwards this time, talking animatedly. “When was the last time we’ve all been out of Gotham that wasn’t just to kick someone’s evil butt, or to go to some boring gala? You know, going somewhere just for fun?”

“The word ‘fun’ is absent from Master Bruce’s dictionary, I’m afraid,” Alfred provided, deadpan as ever. That remark earned him a funny look from Bruce and a laugh from Joker, followed by a “good one, Jeeves”. Lord knows how many times the butler had tried to get Bruce to relax and take a break. And he had Joker of all people to thank for the one time he actually did. Maybe his paramour wasn’t the absolute worse influence on him after all. But just barely. As much as he hated to admit it, Bruce seemed almost…happy. He couldn’t argue with results even if the source of that happiness was also the source of so much misery for Gotham and the family as well in the not-so-distant past.

“Exactly!” Tim agreed heartily. “We barely take a day off so let’s make the most of it!”

“You’re still doing your homework when we go back home, Tim.” Bruce reminded him, to which the boy just groaned and his shoulders slumped in defeat. “You too, Damian.” Bruce added as he glanced back at his son.

“Yes, father,” Damian replied without any protest, sipping his juice, but otherwise not looking up from his phone.

“Aw, what an obedient little angel he is, always doing what he is being told.” Joker couldn’t help himself but comment, with a distinct sense of mockery in his tone, because he just couldn’t help himself.

Before Damian could respond to that “attack”, however, Dick cut in quickly to diffuse the situation before it could escalate further. Conveniently enough, he was in between the two warring parties anyways, so it was only natural for him assume the role of mediator.

“Anyways, Tim’s right. We can all use some time off to unwind. And since this is a luxury we rarely if ever get to enjoy together, why don’t we all try to get along and make the most out of our vacation while it lasts. Let’s call this a neutral zone. No fighting.” Dick tried the diplomatic approach, knowing full well it would take a whole lot more than a few words to end the animosity between the members of this family.

“I agree,” Barbara nodded beside Dick, adjusting the beach bag on her shoulder and taking his hand in hers. She had stayed out of the conversation up until now, content to just enjoy the scenery, but no petty argument was worth ruining everyone’s beach day. “We can go back to bickering once we’re back in Gotham, boys. But I for one, could use the break. And the sun.”

“Babs’ got a point.” Dick shrugged and squeezed her hand back, taking another sip of his slushie.

“Indeed.” Alfred sided with the voices of reason. He’d seen enough squabbling to last him a lifetime. Today should be about putting aside their differences, and coming together as family. It shouldn’t take the whole world nearly coming to an end to bring them closer. At least not just that.

Things seemed to settle after that. Good thing Jason wasn’t here, or this would have quickly escalated into an all-out war before it even started. Ever since Joker had been introduced into the family, Jason’s been virtually a no-show. But who could blame him really, considering his and Joker’s bloody history, not to mention the already precarious relationship with his adoptive father after the “incident”.

It’s not like Joker had been welcomed into the family with arms wide open. And with very, _very_ good reason too. Any sane man would run in the opposite direction, as far away from the kind of danger that the clown would inevitably bring to the table wherever he went, more so people who were intimately familiar with Joker’s ways. Resisting the urge, or deeply ingrained instinct at that point, to attack the clown on sight, proved to be quite the Herculean effort for almost everyone. Seeing him casually stroll through Wayne manor in the mornings, wearing Bruce’s shirts that looked way too big on him certainly took some getting used to as well. Despite all the difficulties, Bruce was grateful most of them tried to give his boyfriend the benefit of the doubt. Or they did, eventually, after a long period of adjustment to their new situation.

Bruce was brought back to reality by the loud click of a phone’s camera, Joker’s to be more specific. The pale man looked at the picture he managed to take and grinned before pointing the display towards Bruce to show him the end result, dramatically wiping an imaginary tear off his eye at the family photo he managed to take while no one was aware. Candid photos were always the best ones.

“We’re here!” Tim exclaimed all of a sudden and darted towards the beach like mad, jumping on the sand excitedly as he beckoned the others to hurry, adjusting his hold on the board. “Come on! Last one to the water is a rotten egg!”

As soon as he challenged the others, Dick handed his slushie to Barbara and rushed after Tim, bag and all.

“We’ll see who’s the rotten egg, you squirt.” Dick laughed as he chased after his little brother who ran screaming towards the sea. He dropped the bag he was carrying because it was slowing him down, and shucked his shirt too as he went, leaving everything behind for the others to collect.

“Hey, wait up,” Barbara called out after them as she skipped ahead of the group, but not as fast as the boys had went, clearly having no intention of actually racing them or catching up to them since they didn’t show any indication of slowing down. She picked up after them, muttering “boys” under her breath.

The genuine smile adorning Bruce’s face was the most beautiful thing Joker had ever seen. In that very moment he knew for certain that this trip was definitely a good idea.

“What did I tell you, Brucie,” Joker bumped Bruce lightly with his shoulder as they finally reached the hot sand, “the kids love it.”

“Seeing _is_ believing,” Bruce replied as he watched the others, his smile not quite leaving his eyes. 

His reverie was cut short when he felt an insistent tug on his hand and Joker came into full view in front of him in all of his garish glory. Seriously what was that shirt even? Such an eye-sore had no right looking this good on Joker, yet somehow he managed to make _anything_ look good, even this bold fashion statement. It defied all logic. Joker’s eyes were hiden behind a pair of snazzy sunglasses but Bruce could recognize that devilish expression anywhere, shades or no shades.

“You heard the man, boopsy, last one to the water is a rotten egg and I don’t plan on finishing last. After all, I have a reputation to uphold,” Joker urged his lover to pick up the pace, feeling rather competitive all of a sudden. He refused to let go of Bruce’s hand only to end up physically dragging him forward. Bruce was being difficult on purpose and Joker knew it, what with that smug smile in place daring him to do his worst. The stubborn man that he was, Joker still kept holding on and pulling his hand insistently, despite the stalwart resistance.

Suddenly Damian rushed past them to catch up with the others, probably done with his brooding for now. But the more likely reason was that he probably wanted to beat Joker to it just to take him down a peg or two. Seeing the clown fail was more than reason enough for Damian to do anything.

“See, we’re gonna end up being last! Come on, babe, move that cute little ass-“

His protests were cut short by a hard pull that sent Joker right into Bruce’s space, trapping the clown in his arms with little to no chance of escape.

“And what if I don’t?”

“I see how it is, Mr. Wayne…” Joker smirked playfully, quirking an eyebrow. “You want me to lose, don’t you? Then what are you gonna do with a rotten egg like me?” The clown teased and rested his hands on Bruce’s sides.

“I’m sure I can think of something.” Bruce leaned closer until their lips were almost touching. But then all of a sudden laughter overcame him as he squirmed and twitched, trying to avoid the mischievous fingers that were a little too busy tickling his sides. That was all the opportunity Joker needed to free himself before Bruce could get a hold of himself.

“Sorry, sweetcheeks, but I ain’t losing this game,” Joker chuckled as he tossed his hat and shades at Bruce, confident he would catch them. He blew a kiss to his lover and rushed after the others, stumbling around awkwardly as he freed himself from his Hawaiian abomination of a shirt.

Bruce shook his head, but the smile never left his face. In fact, it was even bigger now as he watched everyone splash in the water and laugh.

“Oh my. I believe that makes you the so-called “rotten egg”, Master Bruce,” Alfred commented as Bruce bent down to pick Joker’s shirt where it was haphazardly strewn on the sand. “It’s still not too late to catch up to them. I’m sure your vast experience in chasing after the madman can be put to good use in this situation as well,” he added, the corner of his mouth tugging up a little, clearly amused.

“Yeah, yeah, Laugh it up, Al,” Bruce took the umbrella that Alfred was carrying. “Let me help with the set up instead. I’m sure they can do without me for a ten minutes.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Alfred gestured towards the water, directing his attention to the person in question.

Joker was waving his hands and shouting, unconcerned about the few other people on this more or less secluded beach. “Join us, Brucie! The water’s-” But before he could continue Tim crashed into him with his board and laughed, toppling the clown down into the water with a loud yelp.

Bruce waved back in acknowledgement and chuckled to himself at the scene as he reached Barbara who seemed to have picked a nice spot for them and was busy spreading out hers and Dick’s towels. He, on the other hand, busied himself with putting up the umbrella while Alfred took out and spread a few towels on the sand, plus a folding beach chair for himself, setting down the cooler bag full of drinks and snacks under the umbrella. Alfred thought it better to err on the side of caution, so he’d made sure to prepare plenty of sandwiches for everyone, and then some.

Barbara drank the rest of the slushie Dick had left herand put the cup away to throw later before stripping down to her swimsuit and tying her hair up in a messy bun, ready to join the others.

Damian ran back out of the water with a purpose, dripping all over and kicking back sand as he went, messing up one of the carefully laid out towels in his hurry to grab the beach volleyball they had brought for the occasion.

“Come on, Barbara. Richard wants us to play ball!” Damian invitated her and took a quick glance at his dad, adding, “You should join us too, father.”

“You go on ahead. I’ll catch up with you in a minute,” Bruce reassured him as he took his sunglasses off. 

That was all the reassurance Damian needed so he rushed back to the water, throwing the ball towards Dick who caught it with ease. Of course, he had perfect aim. For a kid trained by elite assassins ever since he was in diapers.

“You heard the boss,” Barbara quipped and strolled ahead to join the boys.

“Well, go on then,” Alfred urged Bruce to do the same. “And don’t worry about me. I’m sure I can stand a few moments of peace and quiet here,” he jested as he pulled out a book from one of the bags and made himself comfortable on his chair under the umbrella. “Have fun, sir.”

Right. Bruce was here to have “fun”, not hide in the shade and wait for the vacation to be over, as much as he wanted to do just that. Not that Joker or Alfred would let him. Huh, funny. He never thought Joker and Alfred would be on the same page on anything, yet here they were trying to get Bruce to enjoy at least one day without worrying about work or his other nightly responsibility, at least for a few hours. He had to respect their tenacity.

After a short moment of hesitation he stripped down to his black swim briefs and started for the water. Of course the “show” didn’t remain unnoticed. Joker’s loud whistling attracted the attention of the other beach goers who turned to look as well, curious. Bruce was used to being ogled so he didn’t pay the extra attention any mind.

“Hello~, handsome!” Joker drawled and beckoned at Bruce as he watched him approach, shamelessly admiring his body, sculpted by the gods themselves, no doubt. He would never get tired of seeing him, naked or not. Best of all were the numerous scars that adorned his body, a great deal of which were the clown’s own doing who took great pride in that fact. Good thing he was already in cool water because he was feeling a little too hot in his own skin all of a sudden.

Bruce waded into the water and dove right in, coming up just a couple of meters away from where Joker was supposed to be only to be greeted by a big splash in the face and the clown’s gleeful cackle. Bruce brushed the water off his face and returned the favor in kind.

“Back to your evil ways I see,” Bruce smirked; Joker’s playfulness was apparently infectious. “I guess that means I have no other choice but to stop you.”

“Sounds tempting…But if you want to stop me, you’ll have to catch me first, darling,” Joker giggled like a school girl, full of excitement, and pushed off from the bottom, swimming in the opposite direction to make his escape. The frantic flailing of his gangly limbs wasn’t graceful by any means, but it did the job of putting more distance between them just fine. Would be a shame if he made it too easy on the Bat. The thrill of the hunt was in the chase, after all.

In the end, Joker's vailant attempts to escape proved to be no match for Bruce’s swimming skills and determination to get him. Joker shrieked with surprise when his lover caught his leg and splashed even more water in his attempt to slow him down, but his success was short-lived. Joker knew when it was time for a change of tactics, so instead or running away he decided to stand his ground (in a manner of speaking) and turned around to face his pursuer, splashing even more water in his face to throw him off.

“It’s not over yet, Batsy. I’m not going down without a fight!” He laughed and lunged at his opponent, jumping on Bruce while he was blindsided and too busy shielding his face from the salty water splashed his way to realize what was happening, before it was too late. The giggling clown pushed him down under the water as if to drown him, but the surprise lasted for only so long before Bruce got his bearings and turned the tables on him, pulling Joker down with him.

“They’re at it again, huh?” Barbara commented as she tossed the ball Dick’s way. “Some things never change.”

“It was only a matter of time,” Dick said, rather amused as he caught the ball before throwing it Damian’s way. “It’s either this or…you know.”

Joker came up gasping for air before he was dragged down again, managing another giggle as he sank underwater with a gurgle.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this but,” Barbara looked a little ashamed to continue her thought as she caught the ball, “they look almost…cute like that.” She shrugged, not missing the raised eyebrow when she passed Damian the ball. “You know, considering…”

Speaking of the devils, they both emerged from the water as if on cue, trying to catch their breaths as they wiped the water off their faces and got their bearings. But just when Bruce cleared his vision, Joker just splashed more water in his face with a shit-eating grin, more than happy to mess with his lover.

“You little-“ Bruce started but got another splash immediately after that, followed by more uncontrollable giggles.

“You’re right, they are disgustingly adorable,” Dick agreed with Barbara as he caught the ball from Damian, who groaned in response to the remark.

There was one sure way to gain the upper hand in this fight. So Bruce quickly reached for his opponent while shielding his eyes from the splashes and pulled him closer to reduce the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Joker’s lithe waist, and effectively putting a temporary end to his trickery.

Joker’s giggles turned to a satisfied hum of appreciation as he found himself in Bruce’s personal space. Now, that was an even more delightful turn of events. He hooked his scrawny arms around his lover’s neck to bring them even closer, and pressed flush against his body until no one could tell where the one man ended and where the other began.

“My my, mister Wayne. Fighting dirty, aren’t we? Seems like you’ve caught me unfair and square.” Joker smirked and gazed at Bruce with a playful spark in his eyes. He was quite comfortable having those big, strong arms wrapped around him like that. That was one deadly trap he didn’t want to escape from. His mind went to dark, forbidden places, thoughts he hadn’t indulged in a while. (Okay, maybe not since the night before, so not that long ago, actually.) Bruce could easily bend, break and crush him if he so wanted to. A thrill shot through Joker like a drug in his bloodstream, and the rush made him feel light-headed, but at the same time - euphoric.

“To the victor go the spoils,” Bruce tightened his hold as his eyes settled on Joker’s alluring red lips that beckoned him to come just a bit closer.

“Then what are you waiting for? Start plundering.” Joker tilted his head and leaned in, their lips a hair’s breadth away from contact.

Then suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he spotted something flying towards him, but before he could react and duck out of the way a ball connected with the side of his head with a rather loud thump, knocking him a little off-balance.

“Ow!” Joker whined as he rubbed the spot where the ball hit him, looking around frantically to find the sorry bastard responsible for this.

“Oops.” Damian said entirely deadpan, without a shred of remorse over throwing the volleyball in their direction “by accident”. His hand slipped, the water was wet. Or something.

“Why, you little piece of-“ Joker’s more vindictive nature screamed at him to retaliate somehow. He struggled in Bruce’s arms, trying to throw himself towards Damian to wipe off that cheeky smirk that appeared as soon as his father had turned his attention back to Joker to try and pacify him.

“Hey now, accidents happen,” Bruce murmured as he gave his lover a soothing kiss on the sore spot, rubbing his palms in circles across Joker’s back to calm him down. And it seemed to work, because the lanky man eventually relaxed and stopped struggling in his hold.

“You and I _both_ know this was no accident,” Joker narrowed his eyes at Damian who returned the sentiment. 

“He’ll be more careful next time. Won’t you, Damian?” Bruce gave his son a pointed look, expecting the boy would try better to behave himself and play nice. Not that a warning would keep them civil for long. He knew that Damian and Joker were not on the best of terms, always at each other’s throats, but for the most part, their perpetual “war” never escalated beyond the occasional harmless prank or verbal attack.

“But, father! It’s gross!” Damian protested, full of indignation as he gestured at the two. “Can’t you do that somewhere else? We’re right here!”

In an instant, Joker’s angry scowl transformed into a mischievous smirk that didn’t bode well for anyone. Uh-oh. 

The next thing Bruce knew, Joker’s mouth was on his, planting a rather wet and needlessly loud smooch on his lips, no doubt just to antagonize and spite the kid. And it worked like a charm. 

Joker grinned victoriously into the kiss. Revenge was sweet. Almost as sweet as Bruce’s lips. Almost.

“Blergh! Stop it!” Damian let out a loud groan of disgust, wishing he still had the ball so he could hit Joker’s face again with even more force than before.

“We’ll see how gross it is when puberty finally hits,” Joker teased the boy after managing to tear himself away from Bruce’s mouth, but he was spiteful enough to get over the loss quickly.

“Not this again...Okay, time-out, the two of you.” Bruce was done with their silly squabble.

“Uh, can you guys pause the family drama for a second and pass the ball, please? We were in the middle of something here too,” Dick chimed in. “Not that your show wasn’t engaging enough,” he shrugged and smiled while Barbara was trying to suppress her laughter.

“Sure,” Bruce finally released Joker and tossed the ball so the others could continue playing, leaving the two warring parties locked in a staring match until one of them dared to blink or look away. He wasn’t sure who was giving the bigger stink eye of the two. It seemed like a mission impossible getting those two to get along sometimes.

“Hey, Damian,” Tim tried getting the boy’s attention as he paddled closer on his board, “Wanna build sandcastles?”

At last, Damian broke the eye contact with his “enemy”; a temporary ceasefire. He turned to answer Tim, looking a little insulted by the proposition. The two boys weren’t on the best of terms either, but it wasn’t for a lack of trying on Tim’s part. Damian had a beef with him too for some reason, which made Joker and Tim allies in their prank war of attrition by default. The enemy of my enemy and so forth.

“What are you? Four? This is so childish.” Said the literal ten-year-old.

“Aw, come on, man! It will be fun,” Tim tried to convince his stubborn brother, but since the direct approach was not yielding any results he had to change tactics. “Oh, I see how it is. You don’t wanna do it cause you can’t.” Tim smirked knowingly.

“Of course I can. I just don’t want to.” The look of absolute outrage on Damian’s face at the mere suggestion that he was not good at something, no matter how trivial, was enough of a reward for Tim.

“Oh yeah? I bet you I can build a better sandcastle than you!” Tim’s cheeky smirk grew even bigger. His provocation finally bore fruit.

“It’s on, Drake!” Filled with renewed determination to prove him wrong, Damian started swimming back to shore with Tim in tow on his board, forgetting everything about his argument with Joker. 

While watching the two retreat, Bruce realized Tim might have just saved everyone from more bickering with his selfless sacrifice. The last thing he needed right now was for Joker to antagonize or get into fights with the rest of his family, or vice versa. For a moment he wondered if having almost everyone in one place was really such a good idea after all.

Hands snuck around his waist from behind and swept across his stomach, chasing those thoughts away in an instant. 

“Now, where were we?” Joker rested his chin on Bruce’s shoulder and pressed a kiss against the side of his neck, followed by a teasing bite. 

Bruce relaxed against his lover’s body and his eyes fluttered closed, letting the hand roam freely. Well, almost. When it eventually snuck dangerously close to his groin he grabbed Joker’s wrist to stop its exploration before things could get a little too exciting. As much as he enjoyed it, this was hardly the time or the place for that kind of fun. His family was right here, for God’s sake. Not to mention the other beachgoers.

“You do realize everyone can see us, right? There are children here…”

“And?”

“And you have to stop. _Now_.” Bruce tried to free himself but Joker tightened his hold, latching onto his lover like a squid that had found something interesting to play with, reluctant to let him go.

“But what if I don’t wanna?” Joker left a wet trail of sucks and kisses on his neck. “What if I want everyone to know you’re mine?” He bit a little too hard into Bruce’s neck, leaving angry teeth marks for the world to see. 

It was very distracting, to say the least. The bigger man couldn’t help but hiss at the pain, and hum at the soothing licks and kisses that followed it.

This was definitely getting out of hand, and quickly. His desire to keep going was almost as strong as his willpower to resist this onslaught of affection. 

“And if I promised to make it up to you later?” Bruce turned his head a little to face Joker whose smirk grew into something dark and dangerous.

“Oh, Brucie, darling. You’ll have to be a tad more specific than that if you want me to stop now.”

Bruce had to grit his teeth to suppress yet another embarrassing sound when Joker scraped his nails across his stomach, toying with the waistband of his briefs. His gaze fell on the red lips taunting him with a smile, close enough to taste if he could just let go of his inhibitions. In public.

“I’ll let you tie me up,” Bruce whispered as his eyes met Joker’s, and the hand threatening to slip inside his briefs froze in place.

“Ooh,” Joker shivered and it wasn’t because of the cool water either, “you’ve got my attention.” He quickly maneuvered around in the water until he was face to face with Bruce again, and straddled his waist, wrapping his arms around his neck. “Now tell me more.” The clown bit his lip, his eyes were wide with anticipation as they frantically searched for the answer in Bruce’s smoldering gaze.

“You can do whatever you want with me,” Bruce held Joker’s skinny bottom as the pale man wiggled in his arms, letting all kinds of little happy noises, unable to hide his excitement at the prospect of having this mountain of a man he loves more than anything at his mercy.

“A-anything? Even use the-” Joker’s voice broke when Bruce leaned closer and pressed a wet kiss on the sensitive spot under his ear, scraping his teeth over it before whispering against his wet flesh.

“Yes.”

Bruce felt Joker’s fingers carding through his hair but their tenderness was instantly replaced by frustration when they yanked his head back with a little more force than necessary.

“Why are you so perfect, Batsy?” Joker looked strangely offended, angry and confused. “It just makes me want to jump your bones even more. Right here and now.” But before Bruce could protest or respond to that, Joker pulled him back in and crushed their lips together in a rough, sloppy kiss, barely anything more than teeth clanking together as they made out.

Someone cleared his throat rather loudly behind them to attract their attention and bring them back to reality. They quickly broke apart only to notice Dick pointing at a small girl with a unicorn float gawking at the two as if she couldn’t quite make sense of the kind of game these two adults were playing.

Well, that was sobering.

Joker, on the other hand, remained unperturbed. He put his million-dollar smile on and wiggled his fingers in greeting. “Don’t be rude, Brucie, wave to the little princess.” The girl just shrieked and paddled back to her parents, no doubt terrified by Joker’s nightmare-inducing toothy grin and wild look in his eyes.

“Come on, I think we did more than enough damage here to last this girl a lifetime.” Bruce looked embarrassed for the two of them as he lowered Joker down and pulled his giggling lover by the hand towards the shore.

“You know, I don’t think he likes me much.” Joker remarked as they strolled hand in hand out of the water, gesturing at Damian who was too busy piling buckets of sand on a small patch of the beach like his life depended on it, while Tim was busy scooping water from the sea with a bucket of his own.

“I wonder why that is,” Bruce deadpanned. “Couldn’t possibly be because of your winning personality.” This earned him a sharp elbow to the side and an indignant look.

“Hey! I don’t hear you complaining about it...Much.”

“That’s because I’m used to it,” Bruce explained earnestly when Joker looked at him with a raised eyebrow, “and because I love you.” Joker’s expression softened in an instant, smiling and giving Bruce’s hand a squeeze. “Damian will come around too eventually. If you let him.”

“I guess. If Grumpty Dumpty ever learns how to lighten up,” the clown sounded skeptical. But then again, Bruce was the same, a hardass through and through. That was until Joker blasted his way into his life with a bang. “He’s your son, alright.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment, although I get the feeling it wasn’t intended as one.” Bruce gave his lover an amused smile that Joker returned easily.

Alfred was still reading his book and sipping on a glass of iced tea when Bruce and Joker reached their setup on the beach. And Barbara was there too, lying on her tower and soaking up the sunshine, something that she could rarely if ever do in Gotham, even on a good day. Alfred marked his page and lifted his sunglasses up before passing Bruce their towels so they could dry up if they wanted to.

“Here you go, sir. I take it the water was pleasant?” Alfred inquired, and his eyebrow quirked when he noticed the smudged lipstick. “Among other things.”

“Thanks, Al.” Bruce took the towel and dried his face, using the chance to hide his blush. “It was…good.” A rather inelegant snort came from Joker at the eloquent response as he wrapped the rainbow-colored towel around himself like a cape.

“Yeah, the _water_ was great,” Joker looked suggestively at Bruce and wiggled his eyebrows. “Maybe you should go for a swim too, Jeeves. You can’t possibly enjoy sitting here all day, doing nothing.”

“On the contrary. I’m more than comfortable staying right here, reading my book, doing “nothing” as you say.” Alfred decided to ignore the clown’s provocative tone, and instead opened his book again to pick up from where he left off, lowering his sunglasses down on his nose (like a boss). “And it’s Alfred. You’ve been living with us for months, _sir_. It’s not that hard to remember, surely.”

“Sheesh! Touchy much? Jeeves sounds better anyways.” Joker just shrugged nonchalantly when Bruce gave him a questioning look. “What? It does.”

The clown ran his hands through his own hair and tried to shape it in something that vaguely resembled Batman’s pointy ears. Then he posed dramatically with his towel around his shoulders, hiding the lower part of his face with his “cape”.

“Behold! I’m vengeance! I am the night!” “Batman” giggled behind the towel, unable to keep a straight face, before he continued with his dramatics. “I am Batman!” He all but shouted the last part, causing quite the commotion and making heads turn in their direction. Joker couldn’t _not_ attract everyone’s attention wherever he went, ever the circus clown.

“Lovely,” Alfred commented, unimpressed, not even looking up from his book. “I feel safer already.”

“Now, that’s a Batman that’s not afraid to have fun,” Dick chuckled as he sat down on his towel next to Barbara and enjoyed the theatrics. “Just as over-the-top as the original.” The betrayed look that his old man gave him in return just made him smile even more. Mostly, because it was true.

Joker grinned and wrapped himself around Bruce with the towel and continued his charade.

“I’ve caught you, criminal! You’re going back to Arkham Asylum where you belong,” he declared in a ridiculously dramatic fashion.

“Do I really sound like that?” Bruce mumbled under his breath and shook his head, “trapped” in “Batman’s” arms, finding his boyfriend’s impersonation of him rather endearing, even if the tiniest bit offensive too. But he knew it was all in good humor.

“Mhm,” Joker nodded, nestling into Bruce’s space.

If someone had told him a year ago that he would be enjoying a laugh with his family and _Joker_ of all people, in the same place, without fearing for anyone’s life or safety, he wouldn’t have believed a word of what they were saying. He still needed someone to pinch him every now and then to make sure he was not dreaming, or making all of this up.

“What will it take to free myself from the tight clutches of justice?” Bruce played along. The corner of his mouth lifted, unable to stay serious when his lover was looking at him with those ridiculous puppy eyes.

“Hmmm,” Joker pretended to mull it over for a few seconds. “Maybe a kiss will convince me you’ve changed your ways. But you have to mean it.”

“Ugh, get a room already, you two!” Barbara exclaimed, more amused than annoyed at the cheesy display, covering her face with her hat and putting her ear buds on to listen to some music and tune Bruce and Joker’s antics out.

“Oh, we will. Later. And your daddy’s gonna su-” Bruce shot his hand up to cover Joker’s mouth before he could spill any more mortifying details about their plans for later this day.

“Uh-uh! Too much information already! Excuse me if I don’t want to hear the details,” Dick made a show of covering his ears, deciding to go check on Tim and Damian to save himself the inevitable embarrassment.

“Okay, that’s enough from you,” Bruce warned the clown as Dick made a very wise tactical retreat. Joker mumbled something incomprehensible under his palm, his eyes crinkling into an impish smile. “You’re enjoying this power way too much. In fact, I think you’re abusing it.”

The clown just mumbled more unintelligible nonsense before licking Bruce’s palm just for fun. The action shouldn’t have come as such a surprise, and yet it did.

Without any warning, Bruce picked up Joker who let out an undignified squeak at the sudden manhandling, and the towel around his shoulders slipped off and fell in a pile on the sand, forgotten. Alfred’s right eyebrow rose above the rim of his sunglasses as he observed the scene, returning to his reading a beat or two after the initial surprise had passed. 

“Wha-Where are you taking me?” Joker wondered a little confused but also intrigued by this development while his lover carried him bridal style towards the water without saying a word in response. Bruce’s expressionless face did nothing to give away his intentions.

Tim, Damian and Dick all paused their sandcastle building for a moment to see what was happening.

“Okaaay,” Joker drew the word out, unsure if he liked where this was going. “Are we going for another dip already?”

Bruce stepped into the shallow water, wading further into the sea until the water was just above mid-thigh before unceremoniously dropping Joker down like a sack of potatoes. “ _You_ are.” He walked away without a second thought.

Joker splashed into the water as he tried to right himself, shocked and disbelieving. The nerve on this man! The boys snorted at the scene, giving Bruce a high-five as he walked back to their spot on the beach, not even bothering to look back at his boyfriend who was no doubt staring daggers at him right now. That or grinning like a maniac. Frankly, he was right on both accounts.

“Ha-ha. Laugh it up, kiddos,” Joker sneered at them on his way back, dripping water like a wet dog after a bath. As much as he liked to mess around, he didn’t like it when he was the one being the butt of the joke. He would make sure Bruce paid for this later, oh yes. His sneer turned into a devilish smirk, thinking about all the delicious ways he could get his revenge.

Bruce was in the process of reapplying sunscreen by the time Joker returned, busy rubbing in the cream on his arms. The bigger man smirked when their eyes met, which made Joker want to wipe off that self-assured smile even more. He could think of several things that would achieve that...Brucie dear was in for a world of pain. And he might even like it too. He always did.

“Enjoyed the cool water?” Bruce spread the sunscreen on his shoulders and chest. The fact that Joker was shamelessly ogling him did not escape his notice.

“As a matter of fact, I did,” Joker parried, unabashedly watching while his lover worked on applying the protective cream over the wide plains of muscles glistening in the sun. “That was very thoughtful of you, Brucie dearest,” his words were dripping with heavy sarcasm. It was impossible to miss it. He couldn’t stay mad at his man, though. He had to admit, it was funny what Bruce did, but most importantly – it was unexpected. Joker liked surprises; they made things more interesting.

The clown plopped down next to Bruce, and propped himself up on one arm, fully intending to continue enjoying the show in a more comfortable position. When Bruce offered him the sunscreen, Joker just shook his head, smiling. 

“Thanks, hon, but you know I don’t need it anymore. Not after that rejuvenating acid bath I took all those years ago.” He sighed wistfully as he recalled those times. “Ah, such good memories.”

Bruce considered his words but decided not to comment. It did dredge up memories, but he wouldn’t call them good memories exactly. To this day he felt he was partially responsible for Joker’s whole…situation. Joker never blamed him, though. If anything, he cherished the memory of their first meeting. As traumatic as that experience had been, it also marked the beginning of the rest of his new life. And he had someone very special to share that moment with – his greatest enemy, the love of his life.

“Soooo, want me to do your back, darling?” Joker licked his lips as his eyes roamed freely across planes of sun-kissed flesh peppered with scars. The urge to touch them all was overwhelming and undeniable.

“Don’t make me dunk you in the water again,” Bruce warned him as he passed the bottle, but his tone was more playful than threatening.

“I’ll behave, for now.” Joker sat up and raised his hands, feigning innocence. “Lie down for me, won’t you? I’ll give you the extra special treatment. On the house, of course,” he chuckled.

“Somehow, that doesn’t inspire me with confidence,” Bruce complied and turned to lie on his stomach.

“O ye of little faith,” Joker straddled his hips and popped the sunscreen bottle open, squirting a generous amount of the cream on Bruce’s back, drawing elaborate shapes. He cackled as he admired his masterpiece.

“Don’t tell me you drew a-“

“Smiley face.” The cap clicked closed and the sunscreen bottle was carelessly tossed to the side. “Why? What did you think I was gonna draw?” Joker asked not-so-innocently, despire the fact he had a pretty good idea what Bruce was alluding to.

“Nothing.” Bruce sighed and closed his eyes when he felt the press of Joker’s hands on his skin, spreading the sunscreen across his shoulders and upper back, all the way down to his lower back and sides. The clown began massaging the stiff muscles in slow circular motions, clicking his tongue in disapproval.

“Geez, Bruce, you’re wound tighter than me on therapy day,” Joker quipped and leaned down over him. “Relax,” he whispered close to his ear and pressed a lingering kiss on a scar on the back of his neck, a gesture so surprisingly tender it made Bruce sigh and relax his whole body in an instant. Pleased with the results, Joker proceeded to apply more pressure on the spots where he felt considerable tension, working out the muscle knots as carefully as he could.  
The man underneath him hummed every now and then with relief and appreciation.

“If you don’t stop, we’ll both have to go cool down this time.” Bruce mumbled low enough so that only Joker would be able to hear his confession.

“Sorry, not sorry, darling. You're so tight, the least I can do is offer you some release,” Joker chuckled as he continued kneading the muscles on Bruce’s back, relishing the little groans that would resonate through his lover’s body. The sunscreen had absorbed into the skin a long time ago, but it was hard for Joker to stop himself from touching once he had his hands on the big bad Bat. He could easily spend a whole day just mapping this powerhouse of a body from head to toe.

With one final brushing stroke along his spine Joker moved off his boyfriend and lay down next to him on their shared towel. Well, technically it was Bruce’s towel, but Joker wasted no time claiming ownership by making himself at home on it, even if it was a little too small for two people to fit on it.

“Thanks,” Bruce turned his head to face Joker who winked at him in return before putting his sunglasses on.

Bruce watched and listened for a good thirty minutes or more while the clown regaled him with random funny stories - about a duck, a firefighter, and four boxes of matchsticks, among other things. The more he went on and on, the more ridiculous the stories sounded; ridiculous enough be actually true. It was more or less impossible for Joker to stay put or quiet for an extended period of time, aside from the few hours he was asleep. He was like an inexhaustible source of energy that had to be released one way or another unless it exploded. As much as Bruce enjoyed the peace and quiet to focus and think, listening to Joker’s constant chattering, infuriatingly charming as it was, had become such a norm in his life to the point where it felt weird not having the background noise buzzing in his head 24/7.

While Joker was busy explaining the unlikely origins of cotton candy, Bruce was overcome with a strange urge. On a whim, he leaned over the clown, close enough to seal those tireless, flapping lips with a lingering kiss. The unexpected display of affection startled Joker into silence, but it took less than a second to realize what was happening before he chuckled and kissed back, welcoming Bruce into his space.

“What was that for?” Joker smiled at his dear when his lips retreated.

“Just wanted you to shut up for a second,” Bruce smiled back, meaning none of the words he said.

“Well, in that case, maybe you should do it again cause I’m not sure I got the message.” Joker snuck his arm around Bruce to prevent him from leaving just yet. “Otherwise I’ll keep talking and talking…“

“That won’t do,” Bruce smirked playfully and leaned closer to see what he could do about correcting that mistake.

“Guys, guys! Let’s go get ice cream!” Tim proclaimed excitedly as he ran up to them, unwittingly interrupting the two men who were just inches away from kissing again.

“Did you just say…” Joker gently pushed Bruce off him as he sat up, beaming. “Ice cream? We should totally get ice cream!”

“Yes!” Tim fist pumped.

“Not until you put on more sunscreen, Master Tim,” Alfred chimed in. “I’m afraid it’s non-negotiable,” he added before the young man could get any other ideas. Someone had to make sure the boys were protected from the harmful effects of the sun since they themselves couldn’t, or wouldn’t, remember to do so. Which reminded him…”Where is Master Damian?”

“He and Dick said they were going to the outdoor gym or something,” Tim hurried to put sunscreen on, even if a little sloppily in his rush to get this over with as soon as possible and get to the good part. Alfred took it upon himself to help with the back.

In the meantime, Joker got up on his feet and fished around their stuff, clearly looking for something. Bruce figured he was most likely looking for his eyesore of a shirt. He thought it would be for the best if someone just burned it in a dumpster fire. He knew exactly where that gaudy shirt was, since he was the one who picked after the clown earlier, so he took it out of one of the bags and tossed it Joker's way, along with his wallet.

“Thanks, hon.” Joker put the shirt on in a hurry, and leaned down to give his boyfriend a kiss on the cheek in gratitude. “You’re not coming with? Don’t you want some ice cream?”

“Not really.”

“Are you suuuuure?”

“I’m sure. Now go on, you two, get yourselves something nice.” Bruce chuckled and pushed Joker’s smirking face away from his in a playful manner, which earned him an undignified snort in return.

“Suit yourself, Mr. Wayne.”

“Can we go now?” Tim was done putting on sunscreen. “I think I spotted an ice cream shop on the way here,” he pointed in the direction they came from.

“Lead the way, partner.” 

And thus, they set out to find the Holy Grail, walking away with a spring in their step.

“So, give me all the juicy deets. How did the sandcastle building go?” Joker rubbed his hands conspiratorially.

“Damian destroyed mine to erase the evidence of his failure, so I guess that means I won,” Tim boasted.

“Nice work, kiddo!” Joker ruffled his hair, proud of him.

It was nice to know there was someone in the family who got along so well with Joker, Bruce thought as he watched the two disappear into the distance. He hoped his boyfriend wouldn’t cause a scene or give the shopkeeper and the customers a heart attack when they see him. But Tim was there with him, it was going to be okay. Probably.

Oh, who was he kidding? He should have gone with them.

~

As it turned out, Bruce had (almost) nothing to worry about. From what he learned when the two returned from their little trip to the ice cream shop, Joker had caused surprisingly minimal amount of damage.

“I got you a chocolate one, but I ate some of it on the way back.” Bruce lifted an eyebrow when Joker kneeled down next to him. “I know you told me you didn’t want one, but I also know you love chocolate so…” Joker remembered he was still holding said ice cream so he offered it to Bruce with a sheepish smile and a shrug. “It’s still intact. Mostly. Well, somewhat.”

Bruce looked at the ice cream for a long moment before finally accepting it, resigned. It was a well-known fact that nothing sweet remained safe in Joker’s hands for long. Alfred could attest to that too.

“You owe me a taste of yours too, seeing as you’ve already had a head start on mine.” Joker’s ice cream looked like a mash of every conceivable flavor. Bruce was pretty sure there used to be sprinkles on top but there was no sign of them now. Joker liked putting sprinkles on everything because it was more fun.

“Deal,” Joker smirked and offered Bruce his own cold dessert. But when he was just about to do that, Joker smushed the ice cream in his face instead, leaving a sugary mess around his mouth and on the tip of his nose. The clown burst out laughing then, nearly dropping his own ice cream at the sight of his lover’s unimpressed look and half his face covered in pink, orange and green.

“Not quite what I had in mind, but somehow I should’ve seen this coming.” Bruce tried to wipe off the ice cream, but Joker was quickly enough to grab his hand before he could do that. Oh, and licked across his mouth before Bruce could realize what was happening.

“Nope!” Tim turned around and walked away so he wouldn’t have to see any more of whatever this was. All he wanted was to eat his own dessert in relative peace, or at least without having his eyes and ears scarred for life in the process.

“Mm, delicious!” Joker said cheerfully when Bruce pushed him off, taken aback by his action. “Oh, please! I’ve had my tongue in your-“

“Let me stop you right there…again,” Bruce cut him off before he could continue that line of thought, out loud no less. Seriously, how much more could the clown embarrass him in front of his family in one day? His lack of filter always kept Bruce on his toes when in public. It wasn’t such a problem when they were alone, oh no. But here and now, it was as if he was doing it on purpose, like he knew exactly what he was doing. The clown _wanted_ to mess with him, to provoke him so he could get a reaction. Any reaction.

Bruce felt something trickle down his other hand and remembered he was still holding an ice cream which was melting down fast while he was being distracted.

“Will you behave?” It felt like he was trying to discipline a child.

Joker rolled his eyes but eventually nodded.

“Now, where’s the fun in that?” Joker adjusted himself so he was sitting next to Bruce, licking up the melted ice cream that was trickling down his own hand. “And here I was trying to help my baby out of a sticky situation.”

“Uh-huh,” Bruce looked doubtful. “You do realize _you_ were the reason for the sticky situation, right?”

“Oh, will you stop being so uptight,” Joker smushed the top of his ice cream on Bruce’s cheek just because he could. “Oops, you got something there, sweetie,” he said, the embodiment of innocence. “Lemme get that for you.”

Bruce was greeted by a 24-carat grin, and as much as he wanted to, he couldn’t stay mad at his incorrigible boyfriend for long. He just shook his head defeatedly and smiled ever so slightly when Joker smooched the sugary residue off his cheek and then happily continued to eat his ice cream. They both did.

It was nice.

~

“Texting Harley?” Bruce brushed the back of his fingers along skinny pale arm.

“Yep!” Joker’s tongue peeked out from the side as he typed something lightning-fast on his phone. Bruce could see all kinds of expressions flashing through his face, from a scowl of concentration to a mischievous grin as the messages kept pouring in and out in quick succession. With the exception of the occasional chuckle here and there, the clown remained more or less quiet.

Bruce just watched him text in silence as they lay down, Bruce on his side and Joker on his stomach. They were back from another quick dip in the sea, which felt quite refreshing after staying out in the sun for so long. Droplets of water - fleeting mementos from the vast blue sea, still clinged to Joker’s messy green hair, and trickled down his pale back with every little movement. Bruce reached out to catch one and follow its path back up, drawing random shapes on the bleached skin that looked like it was glowing in the sun. Joker would occasionally squirm and giggle whenever his fingers brushed over a more ticklish or sensitive spot, but for the most part he didn’t seem to mind the touches.

“You’re distracting me, Bruce,” Joker sing-songed.

“Now you know how it feels,” Bruce smiled back and gave a little tickle, admiring his lover.

“I didn’t say you should stop,” Joker smirked back and took a quick picture of his boyfriend, all smiling like that. He typed something quickly underneath the picture before pressing “send”, and tossed his phone to the side. “Now she knows why I can’t respond. I hope you’re real happy with yourself.”

“Very.” Bruce didn’t need any more coaxing to continue his lazy exploration, tracing any and all scars that he came across - remnants of the not-so-distant past, when things were simpler yet somehow more complicated; when everything was black and white, until both of them found out there was so much gray in between the two extremes.

Joker sighed and closed his eyes when Bruce slid his calloused palm up and down his back slowly. The hand followed the curve of his spine reverently, all the way up to the back of his neck. The fingers tangled in the short wet hair at the back of his head and massaged his scalp gently, giving him little scratches from time to time. It made Joker purr like a cat and melt under the touch, leaning into it to feel more of his lover’s affections. He turned his head to regard Bruce with a mixture of fondness and thoughtfulness, and a lazy smile found its way on his face.

“I haven’t forgotten about your promise, darling,” Joker leaned closer, eyes fixating on a pair of very kissable playboy lips. “Just saying.”

“Neither have I,” Bruce returned the lazy smile as he gazed at strikingly green pools of acid. It felt like he was falling into Joker’s eyes as the other man slowly leaned in, pulling the back of his head to bring them closer together until the two finally melded together into one. Bruce found his way home between those wicked red lips, a place he was more than welcome to stay for as long as he wanted to. He needed to.

Joker hummed into the slow kiss, taking his time to taste and explore his lover’s mouth. But when things started to get a little too heated he received a bite as punishment, which didn’t deter so much as spur him to try and escalate the situation again to get the same reaction.

Bruce clenched his fingers around a fistful of hair and tugged Joker’s head back to break the kiss and separate them before the clown could get too ahead of himself.

“Later,” his low, deep voice and hooded eyes spoke more of a promise than a warning. Bruce was not sure whether it was him or Joker who was looking forward to fulfilling that promise more.

“Later,” The clown agreed and his eyes slowly drifted down to Bruce’s lips. He grinned when he saw the state he had left Bruce in – his mouth was smeared all over with red lipstick, giving him quite the disheveled appearance. Not that he, himself looked any better right now. It wouldn’t take a genius to put two and two together. Joker was quite proud of his mess and he wanted everyone to see it.

“Wow, you two can’t stay apart, can you?” Barbara commented, somehow still amazed that the two weren’t done acting grossly in love. She and Dick were just back from beachcombing for sea shells, with Alfred in tow who, instead, had gone to dip his feet in the water some time ago. The unspoken consensus between them was that Bruce and Joker should just be left to their own devices, or at least given some privacy for everyone’s sake and sanity. One could take only so much PDA...

"I believe the word is “joined at the hip”," Alfred supplied, before correcting himself. "Although, in this case a more fitting expression would be “Joined at the lip”."

Now that they were closer, Barbara and Dick could both got a better look at Bruce and it was literally impossible for them _not_ to zero in on the glaring red on his mouth. The man was apparently quite oblivious to the little parting gift Joker had left on his lips, which made the situation even more amusing somehow. They exchanged a knowing look, having an entire conversation with just their eyes, debating whether they should save Bruce the embarrassment and tell him now or keep it to themselves. Alfred hadn't said anything either, even though he must have noticed it too by now, surely. Maybe this whole situation happened so often that Alfred didn't seem fazed by the issue anymore to address it. Not that it was really an issue.

Joker’s little hush-hush sign sealed the deal for them. They were all in on this secret now. Oh, the look on Bruce’s face would be priceless when he finds out.

"At this point, I'm pretty sure they can see you two love birds canoodling from outer space," Dick didn’t even bother trying to suppress his smirk as he deposited a handful of shells on Barbara's towel.

"Well, I sure hope so!" Joker declared proudly as he rolled on his back and placed his hands behind his head. "I'm doing my damnedest to spoil your batdaddy rotten."

Bruce was not amused by Joker's nicknames. At all. "Can you not call me-"

"Bat?" Joker smirked, goading him on.

"...Daddy," the word slipped out before Bruce could stop it. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed defeatedly, because he stepped into this one himself, knowing it was a trap. And yet…

“Ah, yes. That would’ve been my second guess,” Joker grinned with smug self-satisfaction. Causing his boyfriend to slip up in public was one of his favorite activities.

“Keep this up and you’ll be sleeping on the couch tonight,” Bruce warned him, sounding more amused than angry. The smile kind of gave it away too.

"Seriously, where's the real Bruce and what have you done with him?" Dick was almost convinced Joker made a switch while no one was looking. Maybe this was all just one big elaborate scheme - to kill Bruce with the power of domesticity, love, and probably lots of sex, since nothing else had worked so far. "Let me guess. He's probably tied up somewhere waiting for us to see through your clever ruse and go save him." 

"Nothing gets past you, huh?" Joker chuckled, looking awfully pleased with himself as if he knew something the others didn't. "I admit, that's an interesting theory, but you can't prove anything, bird boy. I've covered all my bases. You can't touch me."

"We’re onto you, clown," Dick smirked and did the “I’m watching you” sign. 

Then he got an idea and looked around for something on the ground. “So...Anyone up for some volleyball? We spotted a net over there that no one's using right now.” Dick suggested and picked up the discarded volleyball, dusting off the sand that was still sticking to it.

"I'm game." Barbara put her sunglasses on. "What about you two? Up for a little friendly match?"

"We never back down from a challenge, do we, Brucie?" Joker pretty much took the decision out of Bruce’s hands. He sat up and waved happily at Tim who was approaching the group along with Damian. Apparently they were done with their surfing competition now.

"What's this I hear about a challenge?" Damian spoke up. Phrasing anything as a challenge was apparently the only sure way to get Damian to do anything fun-related that didn't involve all the aspects of fighting crime.

"You've got lipstick all over your mouth, father," Damian gave Joker a disdainful look, blaming him for making a fool out of his dad. Though, Bruce was as much to blame for making a fool out of himself anyways.

"Aw, of course you'd be the one to spoil it," Joker whined but the embarrassment written on Bruce's face more than made up for the spoiled surprise.

"I didn't want to ruin your 'look', sir," Alfred explained, not sorry in the least as he helpfully offered Bruce a handkerchief to wipe the lipstick off. “I hear red is in this season.”

"Very funny," Bruce said as he cleaned his mouth, clearly not laughing.

"It was so worth it, though," Dick snickered. "So how do you guys feel about volleyball?" Dick extended the invitation to the boys as well, passing the ball to Damian.

"Like it’s one more game to beat Drake at," Damian caught the ball, gave it a spin, and passsed it back to Dick, giving Tim the distinct look that said "I'm better than you and you should know it."

"Yeah, right. Your sandcastle sucked, man. Accept it, you're not perfect at everything," Tim crossed his arms.

"Tch, that was a childish game anyways. I don't see how it-"

"And you still lost," Tim reminded him and Joker sniggered from the side.

"Oh honey, don't you just love it when the kids get along?" Joker sniffed and brushed an imaginary tear off his eye as he pressed himself against Bruce’s side. "You make your papas real proud."

"You're no father of mine, clown," Damian scowled at Joker.

"Damian," Bruce said with a warning tone. "He may not be your father, but he is still very important to me," he continued, earning himself an affectionate smile from Joker, "so I'd appreciate it if you respected that." His expression softened. "Be nice for me."

"Yes, father," Damian begrudgingly ageed.

Barbara decided that was enough talking (more like bickering, usually they were one and the same when it came to the Wayne family) so she snatched the ball from Dick's hands and cleared her throat loud enough to draw everyone's attention, to remind them they could be doing something way more fun instead. Perhaps they could even learn some teamwork too.

"So? Shall we?"

~

"Oh, oh! Let's do a team Joker vs team Batman thingy!" Joker jumped excitedly when they reached the beach court.

"Why would anyone want to be on team Joker?" Damian sounded genuinely baffled by the possibility, ignoring Joker’s scoff at the question.

" _I_ would," Tim pledged his allegiance.

"I knew I could count on my wingman!" Joker high-fived his partner in crime.

"And I'm with father, naturally," Damian stated the obvious.

"Oh, what the hell, let's keep this interesting," Dick gave Tim a fist bump and Joker high-fived him too, welcoming him to the team.

"That settles it then," Barbara clapped her hands before summing up the team composition. "One team is Bruce, Damian, and me. The other team is Joker, Tim, and Dick."

“Let’s do this!” Tim cheered, ready to have some fun. 

“This may be a friendly match, but it doesn’t mean we’ll be going easy on you," Dick pointed out, doing a little bit of pre-game taunting. “Just saying.”

“You got that right, bird boy,” Joker agreed, sending Bruce a challenging look. “No holding back.”

Bruce smirked and look at his teammates knowingly. “Well, guys? You think we can take them?”

“You betcha!” Barbara matched his confident smirk.

“With pleasure,” Damian added, pretending to crack his knuckles menacingly at team Joker.

All bets were off.

~

As one might have expected, the match spiralled into an all-out war almost as soon as it started. No one was above resorting to taunts and distractions, or to hits below the belt if it meant getting the upper hand or turning the tide of this battle. Sure enough, everyone was playing like the fate of the universe depended on their team winning at all cost, so naturally they gave their all. Team Bruce had the overall strategic advantage for obvious reasons, but team Joker was in no way inferior and held their own pretty well - they had the element of unpredictability and improvisation on their side.

"Come on! That was clearly a fault!" Damian protested, pointing at where the ball had hit the ground.

"The ball did fall on the line which is technically still within the boundaries of our court," Bruce explained. “They still get the point, I’m afraid."

"That's skill, baby," Joker preened.

"Or a very lucky shot, most likely," Bruce cut him down to size.

"Now now, don't be such a sore loser, Brucie," Joker smiled victoriously. "Pass me the ball, will you? We have a game to win here, if you don’t mind," he said all matter-of-factly.

"Don't get too cocky. It's not over yet," Bruce warned him as he complied.

"Can I serve now?" Tim asked.

"Sure thing, kiddo," Joker passed the ball. "Make your fun dad proud."

"We got this, team. Remember what we've talked about," Bruce instructed Barbara and Damian, who both nodded in affirmation, determined to catch up and regain the lead.

And indeed, it was a closely contested match all the way through. Both teams took turns being in the lead, until the other would catch up to them and seize the advantage, like a constant game of tug-of-war.

After a protracted battle of body and mind, team Batman managed to score the point that determined the outcome of the game. They won by a narrow margin, which made the victory all the more sweet. And they were quite vocal about it too.

“Foiled yet again,” Joker lamented his team’s loss while his opponents celebrated their victory. “I’ll get you for this, Batman,” he shook his fist at Bruce, as dramatic as ever.

“Now now, don’t be such a sore loser, Joker,” Bruce smirked, using the clown’s own words against him. “You’ll get me next time. Probably.”

"Yes! We did it!!" Damian jumped for joy after the hard-earned victory. The other team _did_ put up a good fight, as much as he hated to admit it.

"Nice work, everyone," Bruce congratulated his teammates, giving them celebratory high-fives.

"Losers give the winners a piggyback ride to the water!" Barbara smiled wickedly as she beckoned Dick to come over.

"Hey, we never agreed to this," Dick gave out weak protest as he went under the net to get to her and fulfill her wish. Clearly, he wasn’t that opposed to the idea. Not really.

"Winner's prerogative!" She chuckled and gave him a smooch before jumping on his back and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"That would be the perfect humiliation," Damian commented as he looked at Tim, smirking triumphantly. "You hear that, Drake? You will carry me to the water."

“Aw man, as If losing’s not enough.” Poor Tim just gave a sigh of resignation. But before he could go do what had to be done, Joker pulled him closer and whispered something in his ear that made both of them chuckle conspiratorially. That didn't bode well for Damian.

"Hop on, partner. Guess there’s victory in defeat after all." Joker smirked as he approached Bruce, gesturing for the other man to get on his back.

"Thay may not be such a good idea," Bruce was not so sure the other man could support his weight, but then again Joker _was_ way stronger than his deceivingly frail appearance would suggest.

"Of course it is! Now get on your mighty steed and ride!" Joker urged him on and looked over his shoulder to gave Bruce a flirtatious smirk. "Just look at it as practice for later."

What? 

Oh.

"Your funeral," Bruce decided to set aside the teasing remark for now, and hopped on Joker's back, which nearly sent them both toppling down on the ground. They both dissolved into fits of laughter as the clown stumbled, trying to regain his balance and adjust for the extra weight on his back.

"Geez, Bruce, have you eaten a horse or something," the clown chuckled and groaned under the weight. The other man gave him a playful pinch as punishment for the backhanded insult.

"Not this one," Bruce smirked and kissed the side of Joker’s head, inhaling his familiar scent mixed with that of the sea. “At least not yet.”

"Now, that’s the spirit, darling," Joker laughed and started walking at a brisk pace towards the water, as fast as his legs would allow him with the extra baggage on his back. "Race you losers to the water!" He shouted at the rest of the gang and picked up the pace, giggling as the others chased after them to try and catch up.

Bruce chuckled, clinging to his lover for dear life as the others rushed past them, laughing and screaming with happiness. All of their differences and petty arguments didn't seem to matter anymore; only the joy of sharing a silly moment together as a family - a small respite from the sea of responsibilities waiting for them back home, a reminder of what they still have and what truly mattered, a reason to keep going because moments like this were worth fighting for.

Alfred stood on the beach, recording the whole thing on camera. He tried to catch every second of this idyllic scene, in some desperate attempt to somehow preserve this fleeting moment, to etch it into his memory forever. His family was laughing joyfully, splashing and playing in the water together, carefree and genuinely happy for once. He felt incredibly lucky to be here, now; to be able to witness such a rare sight. It was worth more than any precious metal or stone.

His heart swelled with happiness and his eyes welled up with tears as his finger lingered over the "stop" button, hesitant to press it. In truth, he didn’t want this to end.

Alfred smiled and moved his finger away. 

Just a little while longer then.

  


**Author's Note:**

> Apologies if any of the characters are OOC, or if there are mistakes I might have overlooked. This fic was not supposed to be as long as it turned out to be. I just wanted to mess around with the characters for a little while. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, y'all! Comments/reviews are greatly appreciated! They always warm a writer's heart <3


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